5 endings that felt like i'd been kicked in the face.

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Lets face it, sometimes you get to the end of a game, the credits roll and your sitting there, head in your hands, cursing the stupid fucking ending.

Some are far worse then others, and so I've put them down here. Just in case, Yeah, theres spoilers down thar.



5: Kane And Lynch

At number 5, the self acclaimed "Brutal tale of Hate,Loss, and Revenge". Yeah note the capitalisation of the exciting sound of words. I guess to be honest, the clue was in the word Loss.

Anyway, In this game you play as Kane, an ex mercenary who ends up fighting for his daughter with a couple of his old mercenary buddies, and his on/off partner Lynch, who cant quite decide who he wants to kill at any given moment of time. During the course of this game, Kane sacrifices pretty much every ally and friend he has to get to his daughter, and eventually he catches up with her, in a villa in some country not a single gamer cared about.

Now, heres pretty much a summary of the good ending. You escape with your daughter, and decide to go back to try and save your last 2 mercenary buddies from death, I had the idea it would be a nice heroic ending, and so this shocked me: You go down into the village at the bottom of the hill to save them and when you arrive, you find one has burned to death, and the other hates you, but grudgingly accompanies you to the escape boats. They he betrays you, and is blown up by a rocket. You get to the boat, where your daughter is shot and killed, and lynch is wounded and presumably bleeding out. The game end's with Kane and the now silent lynch floating in the middle of the ocean.

That was the good ending, and I wanted the last 8 hours of my life back.


4: Rainbow Six Vegas [1 & 2]

This one gets it mention because of one guy, Gabe. You spend the entire first R6V trying to find your teammate, and save him from Irena as Logan, only to find out he's a fucking traitor. So, After shaking your fist at him, you presume Logan's gonna give him whats coming to him, Before he err.. escapes in a helicopter.

So you shoot the helicopter down, and he escapes from the wreckage. I suppose that happens eventually, so i sucked it up, and when R6V2 was announced, I bought it straight up, ready to use new boy Bishop to kick Gabe's ass. Only to have to order him around for a mission in the prologue, and then spend the whole game working with him when hes disguised himself as an NSA agent and chasing some cuban brothers you dont really give a shit about. Then he declares that he's not really an NSA Agent, and is in fact Gabe, and you travel to his villa to bust him.

Imagine my joy when at the end of the second game, I had to fight a fucking attack chopper with just an assault rifle. I mean, yeah, i can handle that, i'm up to the challenge. then, you get treated to the worst boss fights in existance, you shoot the breeze for a bit, and chat to gabe, then he raises his pistol, and you shoot him. No massive finale, you shoot him. You've taken on a whole army of terrorists, spanning two entire games, and you just shoot him. One bullet. No climatic battle, no fucking transformers taking each other to pieces on the Vegas strip, no. You just shoot him.

Yeah, i want the real boss fight please.



3: Fahrenheit [or indigo prophecy]

Let me start by saying, straight out, that Fahrenheit was the best game I had ever played until the story, and I still reckon it's a classic.

The game starts in a Diner's restroom, your character is standing above a dead body, and your thrown into the action. What follows is upwards of 9 hours of pure brilliant story telling, and scripting, trying to find out why you killed the man, and battle your ever growing insanity, all against the backdrop of a harsh winter in New York City. The story branches off into 3 possible endings in this game, but it's not the ending movies that bother me about this game, oh no. About 3 quarters of the way through the game, you engage in a Mid air fight with an ancient cult priest, and then, against the back drop of a new ice age you go into a battle straight out of Dragonball Z and fire a massive ball of energy at the main boss, killing him.

A fucking ball of energy.

Lemme just run this past you for a second, so you get this. Your Lucas Kane, your in a diner in New york city, and you've just killed someone while in a trance. Your trying to evade the police and work out why you commited the murder.

Thats badass plot right there, and i was eating it up, always playing the game.Now i'll give you the second half of the plot.

Turns out, you know something called the indigo prophecy, and some AI's are trying to get hold of it to become all powerful, also, for some unknown reason, you develop psychic powers, and must save the world from a new ice age, by flying around like your in a bad sci-fi film.

Yeah. What the fuck.

2: Assasins Creed.

This was a game with a good story. You were an ancester of the master assasin Altair. Forced to live out his memorys in an "Animus" while they search for some artifact or another. Basically, you run around 1191 assasinating people, and in your breaks from the memorys, you start to hear about assasins breaking into the lab's to come and rescue you. I found myself rushing the relatively boring assasination missions to try and get back out of the animus, and find out more about the real story. I mean, it was getting good.

Then ,its revealed one of the lab assistants is one of the assasins, and you steal a pen of a table, and get keys to unlock the doors to your cell, and you cant wait for the obvious last mission where you escape from the labs, except. it never happens.

The Assasins rescue attempt ends in about 6 seconds with the sound of gunfire over an intercom, you never get anywhere with the stupid key cards, and the last you see of lucy is her strolling out into a corridor. You end the game locked up back in your cell, and nothing's changed. I mean, sure you just spend 12 hours of your life jumping around on buildings and stabbing mentally challenged guards but in the end, you havent really done anything. I was almost tempted to play the game again, in the hope that it was a glitch and i'd get to play the last level this time. This is elevated so highly in the list because the game was utter dogshit, and i ended up finishing this game just for the fucking story.

After two years of solid hype, It appears Ubi-Soft didnt notice that the last 15 pages of the script had been left elsewhere, and just made the damned game anyway. Thanks Ubi-soft.


1: Prince of Persia: Warrior within

this tops my list for one reason, and i'm going to keep it brief, because it makes me a very sad panda, and it's uh.. been a while since i've played it. at the end of this game, the creature that has been chasing you for the entire game finally catches up with you. And it doesnt want to hurt you.

Bearing in mind, it chases you for most of the game, and if it catches you then, it flosses it's bastard teeth with you. So you spend 2 fucking games avoiding the overgrown bastard when he doesnt even want to hurt you.

oh yeah, and did i mention that one of the possible endings turns the whole thing into a time paradox meaning the entire two games didnt happen?? Yeah.

Fucking prince of persia. You ruined my life.

Labels: Assassins Creed, Fahrenheit, Kane and Lynch, Original, Prince Of persia, RSV2

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Article Posted: Thursday, 1 May 2008 at 14:20.
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